Bad Marketing

Wednesday, November 2008
Consider the following descriptions of plays put out by theaters as promotional material:

    • It is 1989, and one of the most vicious Eastern European regimes of all time is on trial. And it is 1976, and Nicolae and Elena Ceausescu, at the height of their powers, mount a pageant to celebrate the glory of the Romanian nation. And it is the fifteenth century, and Vlad Tepes – the original Count Dracula – steps out of the dark mists and swings his cape about him. He looks around him and his eyes gleam red. The Communist Dracula Pageant is a wild and offbeat romp through the web of Romanian myth and history.

    • 'Grenadine' follows a man's quest for love in the company of his three devoted friends. The bonds of friendship are challenged-and ultimately reaffirmed-by the quartet's journey through an unfamiliar landscape.

    • The threat of global warming, the dangers of sexual deviance and a quest for the healing power of true love bring together five people of diverse background and cultures one warm January. Their lives will never be the same.

    Now I can't comment on the quality of any of these places--I didn't see any of them--but if whoever wrote these blurbs think they are going to get asses in the seats, they're out of their minds. The first sounds like camp, the second like a bad Nicholas Sparks novel, and the last like it's a very long depiction of a bunch of people having a rambling conversation. Why is theater so bad at promoting itself?
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